Celebrating the Union that Saved a Man From Mediocrity

It really does deserve a press release

After 30 years of working in a profession, one ought to have a good idea of where their faults lie; what holds them back; what problematic tendency they have that keeps arising despite the knowledge it lurks. I know mine. And I’ve known it for a long time.

I can’t resist recommending to clients that they publicly announce an anniversary…almost any anniversary.

“You first planted your vineyard 25 years ago?…Press release!!”

“You finished writing the code that powers your software solution 10 years ago? I’ll draft a release!”

“You hired your winemaker 15 years ago? Let’s get an email out to the consumer list and buy some stickers to put on his favorite wine and offer 20% off!”

It’s a problem. I acknowledge it. But I can’t kick the habit of using nearly any anniversary as an excuse to promote a client.

That’s not to say there are no rules to this faulty approach to public relations I can’t kick. The anniversary should be a round number: 10, 15, 20, 25. Even fifth anniversaries, to my everlasting shame, will do. In reality, it’s not always a bad thing to use an anniversary to promote a product or service, but they really should be significant. Obviously, the 100th anniversary of something is the gold standard for Anniversary Marketing. It represents a kind of ultimate stability and long-lasting demand for the service or product. I’ve only had a chance to promote one of those. Years ago Foppiano Vineyards in Healdsburg, California celebrated their 100th anniversary. We had a party and fireworks. The 50th and 25th anniversaries are acceptable for press release drafting. But when you start announcing a 10th or 35th or, God forbid, a 15th anniversary you know you have a problem. I have a problem.

All of this preamble serves as an explanation for this edition of the Fermentation Newsletter, which I use today to publicly make note of my and Kathy’s 12th wedding Anniversary. On this day, 12 years ago, at Failla Winery in Napa, Kathy committed to me, before a good-sized contingent of family and friends, to be wife.

Kathy’s mother, Donna, was a funny, straight-shooting, loving woman who served as a rock for many in my wife’s family. She used to ask Kathy regularly, “Why did he have two previous wives”? Donna never asked me this. She only asked her daughter. Had Donna asked me I would have told her, “Because I hadn’t met Kathy yet and I’m prone to mistakes.”

If I’m writing a press release about this 12th anniversary of our marriage, I’d probably include the above as a quote somewhere around the 3rd or 4th paragraph down. It offers context to the matter at hand by providing some insight, but it also is the kind of thing that betrays my gratefulness for Kathy showing up in my life.

Kathy is very much a product of her immediate lineage. She has the kind of directness that Donna possessed. On the other hand, she is filled with compassion and empathy that allows others to almost immediately confess their deepest concerns in the hopes of receiving actionable wisdom. This she takes from her father, Hank, who serves as the patriarch of an ever-growing extended family. Patriarchy will almost surely become a matriarchy one day with Kathy at the head.

After twelve years of marriage to Kathy, I realize that by rights I should be seen at this point in my life as a somewhat sad bachelor, known for his work in the industry who is liable to be accompanied by all sorts of women when there is the occasion for a Number Two. But if you ask any of my friends today, they’ll identify me as a happy husband to Kathy and father to Henry and who works in the wine industry. This is the gift Kathy gave me when she agreed to watch me crush the glass underfoot at Failla twelve years ago.

Kathy got the short end of the stick and everyone will tell you so. On this particular anniversary, she is really getting hosed since the anniversary not only falls on a day when she is committed to working, but it is also Mother’s Day. Usually, Kathy gets both a Mother’s Day and an anniversary in May and they usually fall within a week of each other. It’s the ultimate Week Of Kathy where gifts flow, meals are made and she is celebrated. This year the Week of Kathy is smooshed together into one day. It’s not really fair. I have gifts for her and I will prepare something for her when she returns from work. But it won’t be the normal week-long celebration.

Nevertheless, the anniversary will be marked. And its fusion with Mother’s Day is as appropriate as it can get. Her son, Henry, is every bit of an 8-year-old boy. He cares little about being dirty. While excelling at his education, he’d rather be at recess. He loves competing with other 8-year-old boys. He’s well aware of the dirty words he shouldn’t say but is fascinated by them and I can guarantee he takes them for a test drive when he’s around his growing set of buddies. He strives to beat his daddy in anything he can. And he believes girls are somewhat icky and unknowable.

However, when I see him throw his arms around his mother when it is time for him to go to bed and snuggle up close to her, laying his cheek on hers and lingering there, it’s perfectly clear that he understands the significance of his mother. Kathy is and will forever be his model for a loving woman. One day he will marry a girl who I am sure will possess Kathy’s best qualities because those are the qualities possessed by a loving woman.

The very last paragraph in the press release announcing our 12th anniversary will end as most press releases do with a recitation of the who’s, what’s, and where’s: “Kathy and Tom live with their son Henry in Salem, Oregon where they enjoy taking walks, caring for their garden and home, and welcoming friends and family.” It’s standard stuff but has the benefit of being true.

What won’t go in the press release I would write, however, are the kind of mushy details that are relevant only to me. That Kathy saved me from living a relatively meaningless life filled with what-could-have-beens. Instead, her leap of faith twelve years ago gave me a life of real importance.

“Tom and Kathy are available for interviews and can be contacted by emailing Twelveyears@kathyandtom.com.”